Things to think about when considering postponing your Wedding due to Coronavirus!

To move your date or not? That is the question!

So… let’s not beat around the bush… 2020 has been a bit shit.

I’m super proud of everyone being so positive and pulling together and enjoying the little things in life, but lets not lie… it’s not been the best year!

I almost wanted to avoid this subject entirely, as I’m sure everyone is just as sick of it as I am… but it’s so overwhelming that we can’t ignore it… so let’s talk about it… COVID.

Now that the government have given the go-ahead for not just ceremonies but receptions also, let’s have a look at what this really means for your wedding day and decide whether, for you, it would be best to go ahead or to postpone.

So, to start with…The main question that I’m essentially asking all my couples is… what is most important to them?

Do they just want to be married now… regardless of the circumstances and the guest numbers etc. Do they just want to go ahead and become husbands and wives. Which is SO beautiful in itself.

Or…

Do they not want to compromise on their big day, it’s an important start to their journey into married life, they’re spending a lot of their hard earned money and they want the day to be perfect with all their nearest and dearest around them.

And just to be clear here… there is no right answer…only the right answer for you as a couple!

As I’m sure you’ve seen from all the images floating around on Social Media… Micro weddings can be absolutely GORGEOUS and intimate, so it’s an amazing option to have. ‘Love is not Cancelled’ so go ahead and say your vows!

At the same time… there is absolutely no shame in wanting to wait and have that massive over the top big white wedding that you’ve always dreamed of!

Don’t let anyone make you feel that you’ve made the wrong decision whatever you decide!

My other piece of advice is… once you’ve made your decision… stick to it and don’t worry about what could have been! If you decide to move your date but by the time the date comes around everything ends up being back to normal… don’t feel like you’ve made the wrong decision! You couldn’t have known what would have been and for you it was better having a clear decision made so that you didn’t feel like you were living in ‘limbo’. For you it was about taking the stress away of the not knowing and it will mean that you probably will get to enjoy the full process of wedding planning much more.

– So in terms of Planning, when moving your wedding date… here are some things to consider:

• Firstly, find out what your venue can offer you… can you actually move your move your date? How will this affect the package you have booked? Can they amend your package to include less guests, will they create you a new bespoke package for you?

• Worst case scenario, can you cancel your wedding? Ask your venue about your deposit. Your original deposit will more than likely be non-refundable… but is it transferable? Maybe, maybe not… it’s good to find out asap so you know where you stand.

• See what dates your venue has available for you to move to and then give your suppliers as many potential dates as possible… as it will be difficult for them to all find one date that works for everyone.

• Get your new date secured with your venue as soon as possible – availability for next year will be running out quick… with all the original weddings booked for 2021 plus all the 2020 weddings that moved!

• When choosing a date ask your venue about what options you have. If you’ve booked a Winter date, do you have to stick with a Winter date for your new date? If you change it to Summer is there an upgrade supplement to pay. If you move from a weekend to a midweek because there isn’t any availability for you do you get a reduction in price? Or in accommodation rates?

• When checking alternative dates, check with your family and friends that they don’t have other weddings to attend or holidays booked!

• Also consider when you think things will be totally back to normal (not just in terms of numbers but also social-distancing, mask wearing, ‘households’/support bubbles etc. You wouldn’t want to move your date just by a couple of months, just to have to move it again further down the line. Some couples I have worked with are already on their 4th date, bless them!

• Even if the capacity goes up, can your venue hold that many in your current ceremony space if social distancing is still in place… or will your ceremony/Wedding breakfast take place in an alternative room to the one you had originally planned?

• Also think about the finer details, for example if you have kids they will be older and therefore any outfits already purchased may not fit so may need replaced. You might want to re-think the colour scheme you had planned if you changed seasons for example? etc.

– And if you’re sticking with your original date:

• Consider making a few different guest lists of different sizes e.g. 15/30/50 etc. in case the numbers increase closer to your wedding and therefore you will already be prepared and know who to contact at short notice!

• Ask your venue how this will affect the actual running of your wedding day? For example, will you still be using the same ceremony & reception spaces, or will you be moved to a smaller space that fits your numbers better? If your venue is an ‘exclusive use’ venue, will you still have the whole place to yourselves, or will your package be changed to accommodate other guests (for example, if your venue is also a hotel?).

– In terms of the actual running of the day here’s what to expect (under the current guidelines):

• At the time of writing this… the guidelines stand at 15 people maximum including the couple and all guests (yes, even babies!). But unlike when the rules were for 30 people, you don’t need to include your photographer, videographer & registrars in the numbers. The venue staff also don’t need to be included in this number. (Since writing this blog, the guidelines have now changed to include the ‘Tier’ system, and weddings taking place in ‘Tier 3’ have been banned altogether). Whilst there is no guidance on how long the three tier system may be in place, Mr Johnson said in late September that England can expect these restrictions to last for up to six months but they will be regularly reviewed – so in theory the rule of 15 could be in place ‘til the end of March.

• Guests must wear masks in public areas… including the ceremony. This includes everyone apart from the Bride & Groom and the Registrars (plus anyone exempt obviously!) This means anyone that will be walking down the aisle such as Parents and Bridesmaids must still wear their masks whilst doing so.

• The Ceremony will also be slighter shorter. It usually lasts around 30 minutes, whereas at the moment it’s lasting around 10/15 minutes. This is to cover the legal part of the ceremony but with no additional readings etc.

• The ‘Father of the Bride’ (or whoever you have chosen!) is still allowed to walk you down the aisle to ‘give you away’.

• Hair & Make-up teams are now back in action and have been given the go-ahead so you’ll still look fab!

• You may not be able to do group photos… only photos with people in their ‘households’. However, think what a fabulous photo memory it will be to look back on one day, with all your guests with their masks on… Caption it ‘we got married the year the world stopped!’.

• Everything on the day will be served as ‘Table Service’… meaning no mingling or wandering around, all food and drinks will be served to guests only when seated (as I’m sure you’ve seen on your trips out to any restaurants and pubs recently). This means your Drinks Reception will also take place at the tables and any buffets will be served as individually plated meals.

• For your table plans, guests must be sat in their ‘social bubbles/households’. One household means one person or group of people who live together. A support bubble is where a single adult living alone or a single parent with children under 18 can form an exclusive network with one other household where social distancing does not need to be observed. These 2 households in this support bubble then become 1 ‘household’. This is up to a maximum of 6 people and therefore means you can have 6 people per table as long as they are in a ‘household’ together. Consider the guests who are maybe friends from work etc. who may not know anyone else at the wedding and therefore may have to sit on a table alone. From what I’ve seen so far, the majority of the guests have been separate couples, so mainly tables of 2’s.

• As you will have smaller tables, this means you will have more tables than you usually would for that number of guests… how does this affect your table set up i.e. centrepieces!

• Venues now shut at 10pm (you are allowed to stay over at the venue, but the bar and restaurants will be closed at this time). This will obviously change your ‘evening-do’.

• You can still do your first dance but no other dancing – could be awkward – could be awesome to be fully centre of attention! (I would bloody love it!! – but then again I’m extra AF – I’m sure for some of you it would be your absolute worst nightmare!)

• As I was writing this, this is how I understood the rules on music: Background music, no wind instruments or singing, so you could still have a Harpist or a Jazz Trio (Drums, Guitar & Keyboard) for example. However, after just double-checking the guidelines it would seem that performers are now allowed to sing!… Its’ all so confusing as it changes so often!

– You can have a read of the guidelines for ceremonies HERE

– and receptions HERE

– Other things to consider (I’m aware there’s a lot of ‘considering’ going on in this blog! – my apologies, there’s a lot to cover!):

• What about rescheduling any pre-wedding celebrations missed for after your wedding date? So that you can still have the full experience… Bridal Showers, Hen Parties, Stag Do’s etc! (You’d be a married though, so you can’t be as naughty!… wink wink).

• Your Honeymoon may end up being before your wedding? Will you be postponing this as well or are you desperate to get away?

• Consider inviting VIRTUAL guests! The through rise in popularity of ‘Zoom’ over lockdown, most people will already have this installed on their phones and tablets. Set up a Zoom meeting for the date and time of you ceremony, send your guests the meeting code so they can join in… and then just set up a phone on a tripod at the back of your Ceremony and start your meeting! Everyone you love will be able to ‘attend’ from the comfort of their own living rooms!

• Also what about alternative entertainment, you may not be able to get up and have a dance around but what about a ‘Mr & Mrs’ Quiz? Or hire a magician to keep your guests entertained!

• OR… you could ‘Marry Now & Party Later!’. Have a small ceremony (and possible a reception too) with your close-knit circle now… and then postpone your original wedding package to another date and have the full party then! Drinks and dancing for daaaays!

Something that I’m sure you’re already aware of is that the wedding industry has taken a serious hit during these difficult times (I’m sure you’ve seen the #whataboutweddings on twitter and instagram). Something that I’m sure you’re suppliers would never ask for, but it would probably mean the world to them, and help them out a lot would be to consider paying them on their original timeline of scheduled deposits/payments even if you do change your wedding date with them. A lot of creative industries such as make-up, entertainment etc. will be struggling right now – please support them! – we want them all to still be here when we eventually return to ‘normal’. I’m sure that they’re all trying to be as helpful and accommodating with all the date changes as possible, but it will certainly be tough on them. The offer may be really appreciated.

One thing to certainly bear in mind all the way through your planning… these are totally unprecedented times… we are all doing our best and we are all in the same boat, feeling very frustrated. Be kind to one another (always – with or without a pandemic!).

Either way, whether it’s a micro-wedding under restrictions now now or a huge wedding later that you’ve had to wait a long time for…I’m certain that all of your suppliers and venues will be making extra effort and going out of their way to make sure your day is absolutely perfect for you because of this tough time that we’ve all been through together.

So… to sum up. Here are the Pros & Cons of each option:

– CONS

• Stick

– Social distancing means no celebratory cuddling with family & friends.

– Restrictions means this might not be the day you had originally envisioned.

• Move

– You don’t want to put your life on hold while you wait for your wedding day – it could mean changing other big decisions like kids, buying a house etc. – all big expenditures in your life!

– PROS

• Stick

– It’s one for the history books! Make sure to get a photo of yourselves in a mask to keep as a fun memory to look back on – got to make the most of a bad situation!

– You can still have some friends and family together with you to celebrate and you’ll have more time to spend on each one of them on the day.

– Micro-weddings can still look stunning!

– You’ll have more money to spend on fewer guests as your budget will stretch much further – so it’s going to be bloody fabulous!

– Or you can totally get away with the simple lowkey wedding that you’ve always dreamed of – no frills – without anyone commenting on it!

– Perfect excuse for you to not invite those people that you never wanted to invite in the first place! (Much more intimate!)

• Move

– You can have the big day that you envisioned.

– Your friends and family will be SO happy to see each other again after so long apart, it will be such a special moment and an even bigger party!

– You’ll have even more time to save and plan!

Now I’m sure you’re all wondering what I would personally do if it were me… and I would love to say that I know… but I honestly couldn’t say!

I think maybe my choice would be to go down the ‘Marry Now, Party Later’ approach… become a wife now and then go all out with everyone I love later on (I’m not sure how I could possibly be any more ‘extra’ than I already am… but I’d give it a bloody good go!) – plus it means I’d get to wear my wedding dress twice – yay!!

I would love to hear from you, what have you decided to do?… and why?

And are there any other questions you had that I haven’t answered in this blog that you would like to ask me?

Leave me a comment and let me know.

And I wish you all the best with your Wedding… whenever it may be!

For Better, For Worse,

Lots of Love,

Mrs T x