Everything you need to know if you’ve been asked to be part of the Bridal Party!
So the Bride has told you she can’t say ‘I Do’ without you… Congratulations!
What an honour it is to be asked to a Bridesmaid or better yet Maid of Honour!
… it’s certainly a big job with lots of Duties and, unless you’re the girl from 27 Dresses, you might be feeling a bit lost!
So I’ve put together a list of all your main Duties and ways in which you can help the Beautiful Bride-to-Be.
I was going to break these down into Bridesmaid and then MOH specific tasks but essentially they are all jobs that both parties can do.
If you are the MOH your task is to oversee that all these jobs are done and to organise the majority of them… you are Head Bridesmaid, set the example for your fellow bridesmaids and lead the way through all the tasks at hand!
Start by setting up a group chat straight away for you and the other bridesmaids, this will make it so much easier for getting everything organised at every stage of the process… this should be your first job as MOH!
DURING THE WEDDING PLANNING:
- First of all, they’ve just got engaged… what a special time in their lives! Assist in any way you can with the Engagement Party. Are they throwing this themselves? Or is a family member doing it for them? If they aren’t having one at all is there something else you can do to make the Bride feel extra special at this time? Take her for an Afternoon Tea or get her a little gift? (Literally ANYTHING that says ‘Bride’ or ‘Fiancee’ on will absolutely make her day!)
- When the actual Wedding Planning begins, she may ask you to attend venue or supplier appointments with her, although most of the time this will just be her and her hubby-to-be. Even if you don’t attend with her make sure to drop her a message to see how it went (for extra points, maybe even have a quick scan of a certain bridal blog – *ahem* mine – and see if there are any top tips or questions you could send her in advance to show your support and be super helpful!)
- Be a sounding board for all her questions on colour schemes, save the dates and hair styles… yes, there’ll be A LOT! But chances are she’ll be doing exactly the same for you when you get married!
- The fun part… go to all her Wedding Dress Appointments with her and help her find ‘the one’… yes, give your honest opinion about the dresses, but remember that this is her dress, not yours, you have different tastes and styles, and if she’s totally in love with it then get excited with her!
- Assist with ‘Wedmin’ (Wedding Admin) if asked – she may want to do this all herself, but if she needs a hand sorting through RSVP’s try and be available.
- DIY Tasks – ask the Bride if her Squad can host her a little DIY Party (make sure she’s ordered everything she’ll need for this first!) – gather all the bridesmaids together and spend an evening assisting with Invitations, Favours, Decor etc. anything that she’ll be making herself and will need and hand with.
- Be available for Random Phone Calls about Wedding Stress!
- Following on from that… try to forgive any ‘Bridezilla’ behaviour – as I’ve said, she’s under a lot of stress! (However, Brides, please don’t use this as an excuse to take it out on your ‘maids… they’re trying to help!
- Ask her if she needs a day to NOT talk about the wedding, take her out for a walk or a coffee and take her mind off it… she might need a break!
- Also speak to the Groom (every Bride wants to open a Gift from their Hubby-to-be on the morning of their wedding… he might not have thought of this so make sure you pull him to one side and make it happen!… and give him a helping hand, he probably doesn’t know where to start!)
- Make sure to also get them a thoughtful wedding gift from yourself – something personalised or something you know they’ll love, something they can keep.
- And the MAIN ONE: Plan the ‘Hen Party’. The Bride may give you ideas about what she would like to do but she shouldn’t have to plan her OWN Hen Party – it should be full of fun, SURPRISES and lots of laughs! So when I say plan I mean:
- Organise accommodation & travel (collect money from everyone and pay the relevant people)
- If you can dress the Hen Party Venue with ‘BRIDE’ Balloons etc. before she arrives, even better!
- Arrange excursions (especially if you’re heading abroad plan some days out and things to do) – my girls booked us into an ‘Escape Room’ for the morning after the night out – we were slight worse for wear but I LOVED it!
- Plan the entertainment (you know which kind I’m talking about! *Wink wink*), also games like ‘who knows the bride best’ & dares to play on the night out etc.
- Make the Hen Party bags with all the usual rude/fun stuff in!
- Book/Arrange Food – Where are you going for meals – any new trendy places you know the bride would like? Not just evening meal but maybe a hangover brunch the following morning? – If you’re staying somewhere like a cabin or apartment you could organise a cute breakfast hamper for everyone to chip in on – think croissants and hot chocolates! etc.
- & also Drinks (a welcome cocktail for everyone arriving – I’ll be posting some ‘easy-pitcher’ recipes soon! – or maybe just a couple of bottles of fizz to get you all started).
- Make sure when you’re planning all of this to keep the BRIDE in mind… which food, cocktails and games would SHE like… remember, it’s not about what you would want… this is HER send off into marriage!
- It might be that you need to arrange two celebrations: a hen party for the girls and a more mature, bridal shower style celebration that the bride’s mum and older relatives can attend. Or if she’s having one abroad you might need to organise a little something back at home for those who couldn’t make it, even just a little night out or afternoon tea could be a good idea.
- For the Hen Do. make sure to factor in the Brides portion into the cost pp – the whole Hen Party should cover the Brides cost of the Hen Do, she shouldn’t have to pay for her own!
- Apart from that I’m not going to cover what you should pay for/what the Bride should pay for as this is different for every Wedding. Some Brides will pay for your Dresses, but ask you to buy your own shoes or vice versa, some will pay for your hair, make-up and jewellery, others may not. A general rule of thumb should be that if you’re paying for it yourself you may be given slightly more freedom with it (for example, if she says ‘buy your own white heels’… this could then be any height or style you like – as long as they’re white of course!). If the Bride wants to be more specific with her choices she will most likely cover this herself. If she’s paying, make sure to wear what you’re told and don’t make a fuss… it’s not your day, its also only ONE day that you’ll have to wear it, and you can put her in an equally hideous dress for your wedding when it’s your turn. If she asks you to wear a black bin bag – you wear it! – no arguments.
JUST BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY:
- Last minute Wedding beauty appointments – help the bride to organise them and attend them with her, it will be nice to get your nails done together and have nice little pamper session just before the big day.
- You may be asked to pick up any hired items for the day as well – e.g. suits etc.
- Familiarise yourself with the order of the day – the other guests will continuously ask you what’s happening next – make sure you know so you don’t look silly!
- Set-up for the wedding the night prior – if the Bride & Groom have access to their wedding venue the night before they may wish to set-up a lot of items in advance, make sure you’re on site with them, bang a playlist on and get to work!
- Find out where you’ll be staying the night prior as well – will it be with the Bride or do you need to organise your own accommodation? And if you’re staying overnight have a think about sleepover essentials – chocolates, wedding movies and a bottle of bubbly would be the perfect touch.
- Do you need to bring anything with you? – How about putting together an Emergency Kit (you can buy these on Etsy), of all the little things that the Bride might need on the morning of her wedding (she may have bought her own so make sure to ask before you accidentally double-up!)
ON THE WEDDING DAY:
IN THE MORNING:
- Tick off her morning checklist – whatever last minute bits and bobs need doing on the morning of – make sure they’re done before you start getting ready.
- Get ready with her… spend the morning keeping her nice and relaxed, get her a glass of fizz to steady any pre-wedding jitters, help her with any hair & make-up, button up her dress, hand her her jewellery. Also, remind her to take any hair-tie’s off her wrist and move her engagement ring to the opposite hand ready for the ceremony.
- Decide in advance with the Bride the order for hair & make-up for all the Bridesmaids (remember to factor in any mums and flower girls who also might be getting their hair done). The Bride shouldn’t go first or last!
- Take pics! Remember, you are the photographer until the actual photographer arrives! – she will want memories of this time with you girls.
- Tidy the Bridal Suite before the photographer does actually get there… I don’t mean give it a deep-clean… just move the majority of the mess out of the way so they can get their ‘getting ready’ shots in the room.
- See if she has a ‘Bridal Box’ full of items she would like the photographer to capture in the morning (perfume, garter etc.) and make sure to hand these over to them.
- Does she have a bag for day with her lipstick in etc.? If not, pop it in yours!
FOR THE CEREMONY:
- Help her get in and out of her wedding car… hold her bouquet and the train of her dress, make sure it doesn’t get dirty before the Ceremony!
- Help her to compose herself just before that all important aisle walk (give her a quick cuddle – NOT a kiss of the cheek – don’t ruin her make-up! – I’ve seen this far too many times!).
- You might be asked to give a reading during the ceremony or be a ‘witness’.
- PLEAAAAASEEEE ‘Fluff her dress’ for all of her pictures… this is one of my biggest pet peeves – bridesmaids all not paying attention and the Bride is getting photos with her dress lying all haphazard at the bottom! Especially before she goes down the aisle… just quickly grab the end of her train, lift it up and ‘flap’ it to get some air under it, and release, let it all flow out behind her. For photos make sure the dress is out to the side and slightly in front of her.
DURING THE DRINKS RECEPTION / WEDDING BREAKFAST:
- Check that any wedding items are in the correct places/looking perfect. Are the Candles lit? Is the gift table looking a bit of a mess? Fix it quick before the other guests see!
- Also assist the photographer with their ‘shot list’ – they will be calling out for groups such as ‘Brides Family’ etc. – the photographer won’t know who everyone is so help them by gathering the right people for the shot – this will be a MASSIVE help as these group shots always take the longest with most guests not paying full attention – the quicker this all happen, the quicker the bride can get back to actually mingling with her guests!
- FORCE all the Guests to actually SIGN the Guestbook – this is something that so easily gets overlooked and the couple end up going home with only 10 messages! Take it round during the drinks reception, or round the tables in between courses – squeeze those heartfelt messages out of them!
- You may be asked to stand in the ‘receiving-line’ at the reception if the bride and groom are having one to greet all their guests with them.
- You may be asked to give a speech if you are the MOH!
- Look after the keys to her Honeymoon Suite / check her in if she’s staying in a different room.
- Dress the room if you can! – Rose petals, a bottle of champagne, anything extra to make it special (ask the venue in advance if they can help you with this!)
EVENING RECEPTION:
- Welcome the Evening Guests with the Bride & Groom – don’t disappear!
- Bustle her dress for the first dance – find out how to do this in advance.
- Get the guests on the dance floor. Once the bride and groom have had their first dance, make sure you are the first ones on the dance floor to encourage everyone else up. Maybe couple up with the Groomsmen if you’re even in numbers.
ALL DAY DUTIES:
- Make sure she always has a drink (alcoholic and water!) and make sure she eats something! (It’s a whirlwind of photos and dancing, make sure the venue has saved her some canapés).
- Hold her bag/flowers/drink for any photos.
- Help with the Bride & Groom’s kids… if they have any!
- Check her appearance – make-up and hair all in place?
- Help her go to the bathroom – that dress ain’t going to lift itself!
- Look after the Groomsmen, the Best Man will most likely be nervous for his speech, keep an eye and make sure he doesn’t drink too much before he gives it!
- Family politics – are her parents separated? – Are there some rowdy cousins that are drinking the ‘free-bar’ dry? – do your best to keep the peace / keep any unfriendly guests apart – this is probably one of the biggest stresses on the Bride & Groom on the day.
- Try to anticipate what is coming next so that you’re ready (Buddy up with the venue wedding coordinator, they’ll keep you on track / let you know if there’s anything that needs to be done, for example, they may want someone to give the Reception Room a ‘once-over’ before the guests enter, make sure it’s set up exactly as the Bride requested.)
- If something goes not-according-to-plan on the day, make sure to help her see that it’s not the end of the world, and it will be a funny story to tell one day!
- ENJOY the day with her! You’re obviously one of her nearest and dearest so she wants you by her side, dancing the night away with her (request ‘your’ song and have a nice moment with her) – try not to get too stressed with any of your ‘duties’, they’re just things to keep an eye on, you’re not a paid wedding professional so don’t worry about being PERFECT… the suppliers have got this! Be the life and soul of the party and keep the dance-floor filled until the early hours!
AFTER THE WEDDING
- You should help the Bride & Groom with the clear down the following morning, packing all their gifts into their car etc.
- If the Bride & Groom are giving away their centrepieces and leftover wedding cake to family and friends after the wedding you might also want to help them dish these out.
- You might also be asked to return any hired items as well.
TOP TIPS FOR BEING A TOP BRIDESMAID:
- Make friends with the other bridesmaids, you guys are a team now and you need to work together putting the Bride first!
- Be excited about everything and go above and beyond in any way you can! Think about what you would want someone to do for you on your Wedding Day… can you organise some video messages from friends or relatives that couldn’t make it? Could you arrange a surprise for the Bride & Groom? Anything… whether it’s big or small, will mean the world to them!
I know this seems like a ridiculously long list… but I’ve really just tried to cover everything I can think of so that you know what sorts of things are expected of you.
You don’t need to take on every single one of these jobs yourself – delegate them out amongst yourselves and make sure you know what each of you will be covering on the day. This is the easiest way to make sure nothing gets missed and that you can all still enjoy the day with your Bridal Bestie!
My best advice would be to save this list for a later date and go grab a coffee with the rest of the Bride Squad ASAP to discuss.
Happy Helping!
Lots of Love,
Mrs T x
Straight and Narrow
Keep up the good work
thesufitrader
Interesting point